If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. -
Life is something that should be enjoyed not endured. For a long time, I thought ‘okay let’s just get through this’. It was through the sleepless nights of being a new mom to an infant. It was working through living on a single income. It was having two young children. It was getting through a job that I did not like, but didn’t think I could get a better one. There were many times during my marriage that I thought the same thing. Let’s just get through this. That is something that I regret. I should have spoken up more, taken more action or just said no. I did not. I endured life and whatever challenging situation was occurring at the time. Funny thing is that there is ALWAYS a challenging situation. While there are so many wonderful things and moments in life, there are hard moments as well.
Being a single mom, there are an incredible amount of hard situations. The biggest difference is that they are only my situations now. I do not have that other person to ask for help or guidance. The approval is no longer needed. Now, I look at those situations as a hurdle not a giant mountain. Oddly, that perspective changed with no longer needing another person’s approval. In a marriage, you work together. In mine, I allowed only one voice. It was not mine. Please do not think that it was all his fault. It wasn’t. If blame must be had, it is mine. I have a voice and should have used it. Often.
Standing on my own has been such an incredible experience. It certainly was not my first choice, but it was a choice I made. I thought being single would be lonely the weekends the kids are with their dad. The first weekend it was incredibly lonely. As I started to grow into my new life, it became easier. I do not mind eating or shopping alone. One of the things I enjoy the most is going to a movie alone. Christmas was very hard without my children. It was the first time in their lives that I did not see them on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but we did have Thanksgiving together. This is my new reality. Sharing time with my children. It was something I experienced as a child as well. It is not easy. Even with the best thoughts and knowing that he deserves the holidays with them as well is still hard. I was grateful to spend the morning with my dad and the evening with one of my best friends. After I left visiting my dad, sister and her family, I came home. The house was so quiet. No children talking or laughing or even arguing. It was just silent. Lots of tears were shed that day. When my best friend arrived that evening, lots of laughs were had.
While this life takes many different turns, I know the majority of the days will be great. Some will be less so. Every day is mine and what I do with it is my choice. One thing I will no longer do is just endure. This lovely life should be lived each day with gratitude and joy.