Anxiety is one little tree in your forest. Step back and look at the whole forest. - Unknown
The other morning I did not get mother of the year. In fact, it was the opposite. I had a complete and total meltdown in a fantastic fashion. There were tears and lots of words. So many words. Strung all together none really made a lot of sense. They were all mine. The tears and words. Not the kids words or tears. Just mine. Really, there wasn't a good justification for it. I could blame the kids for being, well, kids. That is what happens occasionally when you are a mom. It doesn't matter if you are a married or single mom. I've done this in both relationship situations. Being a single mom definitely has it's challenges. The only person around to help is me. No longer can I ask another person to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer or pick something I forgot at the store or just to listen to my very challenging or crazy day.
After dropping the kids off at school and beating myself up for being a crazy person, I had the pleasure of sitting in traffic. Traffic could be considered the equivalent of time out for adults. Sitting and thinking about the morning did not help. Running late for work wasn't fun either. Then the 'if I hadn't had a meltdown I wouldn't be late' mental punishment started. Once at work, I began to feel jittery and anxious. This stayed with me for a few hours. Yay! Maybe too much coffee today? Maybe I really am crazy? Two possible and plausible options. As I started texting a girlfriend that I am completely anxious today and going through my list of what I have to do before the weekend, everything became clear. I'm not anxiety ridden or anxious, I'm overwhelmed. My fear was also having an anxiety attack at work. Again, not fun! I have had a few attacks in my life. One occurred not too long ago. However, once I gave her my to do list, the feelings of drowning went away. My list is fairly long and my deadline to complete it is rapidly approaching. Thing is that it's okay if not every task gets marked off. I know this! Perfection is not something I strive for because I will always be disappointed. Progress and growth are.
I will not get a great Yelp review by my children every day. That's okay. It really is! Doing the best I can each day is what I am aiming for. Each day is an opportunity to do better than the day before. My children need to see that things don't just happen. Life takes work. Every. Damn. Day. Some days are great, some days are terrible and some are just ordinary. Living a well curated life is just not going to happen in my world. Life is messy and unpredictable. It's how we react and recover is what's important.